Obviously, you want to keep things with your lady on the side as secret as possible. You know that things won’t go too well for you if you get caught, and you’re not stupid.
The thing you need to remember is that keeping quiet isn’t just to save you hassle-it’s literally a matter of safety. If you’re not on the down-low about your extracurricular activities, you’re going to have a much smaller amount of success with married women.
Keeping quiet is a matter of safety-for you and for her.
Remember that for you, this might only be an inconvenience. For the lady you’re with, it might be much worse if you were to be found out. We don’t like to think about it, but in these cases, the woman is usually the one who suffers the most from being found out.
If your lady is married, safety is even more important.
If you’re seeing a married woman, we shouldn’t even have to talk about safety. You should have this in mind from the get-go. You don’t want to put her marriage in danger, after all.
You also don’t want to put yourself in danger. If the two of you get found out, you could become a potential target of her husband, and so could she. Keeping quiet could theoretically save your life, and possibly that of the woman with whom you’re having a married fling.
Remember this, and don’t pull anything funny.
That cute idea you have to take her out for something very public? Calm down. That nice thought of sending her things while she’s at work, or at home? Rethink it.
You don’t want to be a burden on her. This is truly important, and could wind up saving your marriage, if not the rest of your life. You want to be the fun guy, not the bad guy.
She needs to do the same.
If you’re seeing a woman who doesn’t seem to care whether you get found out or not, you might want to rethink how important this affair is to you. After all, you’re supposed to be in this together.
If she’s dragging you down more than she’s building you up, you don’t need to be worried about her. Just get a new lady, and leave this one where she belongs: at home alone.
Remember the importance of being a good teammate. If she can’t be bothered to be one to you, she’s not worth the time and effort you’re putting into this short-term relationship.
Boundaries are important.
Just as we said you shouldn’t send her anything at work or at home, your lady on the side should do you the same courtesy. If you ask her not to call you at certain times, she should respect that.
This goes both ways. If she asks you to leave her alone on certain days, don’t immediately assume she doesn’t want to see you. She might have a more important reason for asking you to cool it temporarily, and you need to respect that.
If you can be the fun stress relief she needs most times, she’ll want to be near you more often. If not, don’t be surprised if she leaves. The same goes for her-if she’s not satisfying your needs while being discreet, there are plenty of other ladies out there who will. You don’t need to stay with someone who puts your health and safety at risk.